Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
