I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
