I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
