His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
