Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
