I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
