I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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