another moral hangover. fuck.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
