What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
