last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
