Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
