You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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