Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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