Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
