I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
