you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
