Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm both gender and math confused
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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