you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize