these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
