Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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