is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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