There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
