I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
