Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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