All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
