my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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