He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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