Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
