We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hippo gnu deer
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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