Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
