Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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