Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
