there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
