I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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