Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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