He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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