So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I believe in your delicious
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
