There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize