Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
