how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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