Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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