Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
