good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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