If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
