my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
