i already hear my dad disowning me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
