a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
