Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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