I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
