please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
