I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
