what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
