He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
