how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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