What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
