We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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