Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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