When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The beer is more important than you right now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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