No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
