I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
