so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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