Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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