haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
