I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
