You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
