I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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