So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
