ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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