Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
