I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
