i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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