OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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