Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
