i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
