If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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