what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
