I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
